


Water

by rome_in_asia



Category: K-pop, The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Canon Compliant, Crushes, Feelings Realization, Hook-Up, M/M, Unrequited Crush, idk what this is tbh but im back guys hi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22146739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rome_in_asia/pseuds/rome_in_asia
Summary: You're like an oasis to me who is thirsty.I like it even if I fall inside and die.( A songfic on Water.)
Relationships: Choi Chanhee | New & Kim Younghoon, Choi Chanhee | New/Lee Juyeon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63





	Water

**Author's Note:**

> I should apologize in advance since I wrote this for maybe 30 minutes yikes.
> 
> Also it's better if you listen to Water or at least know its English trans. Water is the song of the decade.

  
I. Dazzling Oasis

It started pre-debut, maybe even on the first day Chanhee stepped foot into Cre.Ker's practice room to be introduced to the boys already recruited into the group. He was nervous that day, that he remembered well. His palms were sweaty and his stomach tied itself into knots.

The other thing he remembered that day was Lee Juyeon, hair a bit too long and covering his bright, warm chocolate eyesmile, holding his huge hand out.

"Hi, Chanhee! I'm Juyeon, and I hope we'll be great friends!"

Maybe that was where it started. Chanhee doesn't know exactly. There was just something in the way Juyeon was very friendly and comforting that attracted Chanhee like the opposite end of a magnet. In time, they were attached to the hip. Juyeon helped him learn choreographies; Chanhee coached his singing.

Chanhee thought little of it. He had Juyeon in his grasp, after all. He thought he'd never lose Juyeon, his friend, the O to his K, the warm hands that held his elbows and moved his body along to the beat. Chanhee thought they'd stay like that forever-- soul twins, blah blah.

Then many more members came. Then Juyeon was friendly to them too. Chanhee was--is shy. He also became friends with the newcomers, as he had to play nice to his soon-to-be members. He particularly liked Hyungseo and Younghoon and Changmin. But of course, Chanhee liked Juyeon the most.

He'd get jealous. He's pout and sulk. He'd seek the other members. At the end of the day though, Chanhee always found himself with Juyeon, watching TV or eating a late dinner or just staring at the ceiling fan in the living room. It was weird for Chanhee. He didn't want to think much of it.

The night they debuted, after the showcase and the teary car ride home, Chanhee had a shocking revelation to himself that spooked him so much, he ran to Hyungseo and started crying. Started to hiccup and sob and cry so hard, Changmin woke up as well.

"What is it?" Hyungseo asked, patiently wiping Chanhee's tears away.

"I think I like Juyeon."

"We know." Changmin finally said after a long staring contest with Hyungseo, patting Chanhee's back. "And it's ok. Do you want to tell him?"

"What? No!" Chanhee screeched, so very loudly that Hyunjoon, who is a very deep sleeper, woke up to eye them blearily. Hyunjoon yawned at them, not interested at all, and trudged out the door to join Sunwoo in the living room.

Hyungseo then went back to business after Hyunjoon closed the door with a small 'sweet dreams, hyungies.' "Why not, Hee? It is quite obvious to Changmin and I, and probably the rest of the members too. Juyeon probably already knows--"

Chanhee felt his face redden. "If that's the case, then why the need to confess? If he already knows, why hasn't he said anything? He doesn't like me, that's why! I should keep my distance. I'm probably making him uncomfortable."

"That's not..." Changmin didn't have a chance to speak. Chanhee had turned around, walking straight out of the room with his chin held high and resolve absolute. Changmin had sighed. "Idiot."

And so Chanhee drifted away. He stuck close to the other members, only interacting with Juyeon if need be. Juyeon didn't show any sign of noticing the abrupt coldness, Chanhee thought sadly. Then again, Juyeon barely showed emotions other than happiness and excitement and optimism.

Chanhee missed how free he would feel when near Juyeon. He could only watch from a distance then, pouting slightly and leaning on either Hyungseo or Changmin's shoulder, daydreaming about the past and what ifs with the oasis he used to be in.

  
II. Out of Reach

Everything has a limit though, and Chanhee has been keeping himself busy and distracted for a year, but emotions never run away. Chanhee's the one running away and his emotions, his hormones, his... brain and heart are catching up. It scared him.

Younghoon, bless his soul, had become Chanhee's new diary. Younghoon was silent, shy, and very understanding. Younghoon also has a crush on Changmin, which Chanhee found out by accident when he saw Younghoon's wallpaper of Changmin with very bad heart edits.

Chanhee and Younghoon bonded over one-sided feelings and fashion magazines and cupcakes.

"Do you think... I should talk to... Juyeon?" Chanhee mumbled.

"Do you think I should talk to Changmin?" Younghoon whispered back.

They looked at each other.

"No. I don't think we should." 

They decided to sleep the pain in their chests away, cuddling under the duvet with Younghoon turning the heater off so they can snuggle all they want without overheating. They talked more, about the upcoming comeback, their fans, the new Gucci slippers coming out that month... until they fell asleep.

Chanhee woke up an hour later, feeling stuffy and sweating at the heat. Someone had turned the heater on.

Someone, was Juyeon.

Juyeon, who was standing at the foot of his own bed, the one immediately beside Younghoon's. Juyeon, who was also looking at Chanhee with an unreadable expression and, Chanhee belatedly realized, was shirtless.

"Did you guys turn the heater off?" Juyeon asked, voice even. "It was literally freezing when we arrived from the company."

"Um." Chanhee swallowed thickly. The heat was getting to him, he thought, shucking the duvet away from him. "Yes. Cuddle weather, you know?"

"Hm." Juyeon sniffed.

Chanhee bit his lip. They were friends, right? What happened? Why was there a thick wall in between them?

Oh, right. Chanhee built that wall. It was a thick one, too. Crystal clear, just so Chanhee can further hurt himself by bearing witness to how beautiful and dazzling Juyeon had become over the last year. Built like an invisible barrier so Chanhee can see how Juyeon was getting farther and farther out of reach.

"Change out of your sweater. You look like you're about to over heat." Juyeon then said, handing him a clean tshirt. "I'm gonna shower. Kev's making dinner in the kitchen."

Chanhee took the shirt, stunned. "This... is not my shirt."

"Does it matter?" Juyeon asked. "We all exchanged clothes at some point. Kev's walking around wearing all of Hyunjae-hyung's wardrobe since last month."

Yes, Chanhee thought, exasperated. But Hyunjae-hyung and Kevin are fucking.

"Thanks."

"You should wake Younghoon-hyung up too. He's probably sweating buckets there." 

And then Juyeon just leaves to go to the bathroom just like that. And then Chanhee was left staring at the shirt Juyeon lent him.

He sniffed it.

It smelled like Juyeon.

Oh.

  
III. Stop

Chanhee didn't like the news. He had scrolled through far too many tweets about it already, and Eric and Sunwoo and Hyunjoon were in front of him in the living room, placing bets on Juyeon and Bona. Will they kiss? Will they fuck? Will they start an actual relationship?

Sunwoo's money was on the last one, and he asked Chanhee for his say as well.

"Don't you think so too, hyung? They look like a great couple." 

In Chanhee's mind, he was arguing that he and Juyeon look better. "Yeah. Yeah, they do." and he excused himself to go find Younghoon. He heard Sunwoo cheer and say, 'I told you guys.' to Hyunjoon and Eric. That was enough for Chanhee to start crying as he locked himself in their laundry room.

Juyeon had been away for three hours and already, he was having dating rumors. Chanhee bawled, thankful for the laundry machine's loud whirring masking his cries. Whoever decided to wash their socks that day was a godsend.

Younghoon helped him through the week Juyeon was gone. They went as far as having sex, because Younghoon was also lonely and sad that Changmin barely talked to him then, but they stopped after a few thrusts when they realized they were being idiots and thinking only of other people.

It was pathetic, Chanhee admitted. He wanted to stop feeling bad. He needed to do something.

When Juyeon came back, he was tanned, broader, and more rugged. Chanhee almost regretted his plans that night when he saw Juyeon's bright smile, but he still ran out the door the minute Juyeon had greeted everyone.

"Where is he going?" Joonyoung asked. "Why is he all dressed up with make up?"

"I heard him say club. That's all I understood. He was very excited. Maybe he's going out with his friends, hyung." Eric answered.

Wrong, Chanhee thought gleefully as he slipped his shoes on. No, Chanhee was going to hook up with someone. Younghoon had suggested it, having done it with his Idol Radio Co-Hosts before, and Chanhee had no trouble finding another idol who wanted their needs met.

Unfortunately, Chanhee still moaned out Juyeon's name. Unfortunately, his partner moaned another name out as well. It was awkward and heavy after that, but they decided to keep going after a heartfelt talk about unrequited love and some crying. Chanhee finally moaned another name out and heard his name whispered back in ecstasy.

Chanhee went back to the dorm the next morning, glowing and happy. He saw Juyeon eating breakfast in the kitchen, and their eyes met. Juyeon's eyes travelled lower and spotted the hickey on Chanhee's neck.

And the bitemark.

And another hickey on the other side.

"You should cover that up. We have a schedule tonight." was all Juyeon said, placing his mug and empty plate on the sink. He then walked past Chanhee, keeping the wall beside them. Juyeon was within reach. Just a heartbeat away, in fact.

But all Chanhee felt was a gush of cold wind. Then, Juyeon was gone.

Chanhee only realized he was crying when he couldn't breathe. He ran to his room, locked himself in, and cried his heart out.

  
IV. Hold My Hand

"Repeat. Five, six, seven, eight--"

Changmin's words were lost as sneakers slid across the floor, hands waving and legs moving in precise movements it took to master the song choreography. Chanhee moved like a zombie, tired and only going forward because he couldn't stop.

"Okay, we can stop."

"You okay, hyung?" Haknyeon asked, bringing him a bottle of water. Chanhee had laid down on the floor right after Changmin announced their practice to be over, just staring at his reflection in the mirror. He had worn just a tshirt that day, and the marks of his nightly dallying showed well through the cottony fabric.

"Yeah. Just tired."

"You should probably lessen the frequency of your hook ups then, Hee." Sangyeon cut in. He sounded worried. Chanhee sighed at that. He didn't want to be pitied. Sangyeon continued, "And it's almost comeback too, fansites will be following us everywhere again. You might get caught."

"Sorry, hyung." Chanhee mumbled out.

"Hey, it's okay." Hyunjae smiled. "We're just worried about you, you know? We all have our needs and they have to be met. If you have a problem, you can talk to any of us. You know that, right?"

Of course he did. Chanhee nodded, still unmoving from the floor. He should do something soon, he thought. He couldn't keep hurting himself by waking up in the arms of people who aren't Juyeon. Sure, it took the pain away for a bit.

But the tides only come back bigger and more hurtful.

"So, what are you gonna do?" Younghoon asked him, whispering on the car ride home from the studio.

"I don't know yet."

To Chanhee, Juyeon was more dazzling and attractive as ever. He was always kind and patient and helpful, even to Chanhee, who had given him the coldest shoulder before. Chanhee felt like he didn't deserve such a man to be a friend.

Whenever Juyeon performed, Chanhee's eyes would be fixed on him, watching every wave carry the notes and energy through his body like Juyeon was made for the music. It was magical, and Chanhee felt like such a loser next to him.

Juyeon also always stood up for him whenever the members bullied him out ot love. Chanhee had learned to hide behind Juyeon's broad shoulders whenever Sunwoo or Haknyeon or Hyunjae came for him. Those shoulders created a haven for him, but they too, disappear at home when Juyeon becomes a mirage he could never touch.

His hook ups were saving and drowning him at the same time. It felt good to be admired and to admire another, to feel warmth Chanhee craved and needed, but it was never enough. Every fuck was another step into the grave he had dug.

But he could never stop. Not until...

"Juyeon, can I talk to you?"

It was abrupt and not thought through, yet Chanhee had no choice. He couldn't keep himself hurting anymore, and Juyeon deserved to know.

"Sure, what is it?" Juyeon had followed him to the kitchen. Chanhee didn't care anymore if any member was eavesdropping. They could tell the entire world. "Chanhee?"

"I like you, Juyeon." Chanhee blurted out, clenching his fists. "And I'm sorry I had to tell you. I've tried keeping it hidden, since we met maybe, I don't know. I keep calling it a crush, but let's be honest... It's not anymore."

Juyeon looked shocked. Chanhee knew he should continue to talk. He had one chance at this.

"I'm not telling you because I'm expecting my feelings reciprocated or something. I'm telling you as an apology. I noticed my feelings for you after debut and I walked away from you. I ruined out friendship out of fear, and I now, despite all of what we're doing, you're getting farther and farther away from my reach.

"You were... no, you still are my oasis, Juyeon. You are my freedom, but I can never reach you." Chanhee breathed out shakily. "I want to hold your hand and be your lover and all that sappy stuff. But I can't. And you can't. So don't worry about me, I just needed to tell you that I'm sorry."

They stood in silence after that.

"You like me?" Juyeon asked slowly.

"I love you." Chanhee clarified, feeling his spine tingle at the honesty in his own words. "But I can't have you."

"Why not?" Juyeon sounded hurt. 

"You're a mirage, Juyeon. A dazzling oasis I can only look at from afar. Someday maybe, I can finally reach you. That day isn't now, though."

Juyeon hesitated, at a loss for words. "What if I like you back? Why are you doing this to yourself? It sounds like you're hurting too much because of this."

"I'm already hurting too much." Chanhee explained. "That's why I'm telling you. I don't know what I wanted to achieve by this either. I just know I had to tell you. Don't be too bothered, please. Don't think too much of this."

"Chanhee--"

"You don't have to do anything."

"Hold my hand." 

"What?"

"Your oasis isn't out of reach, Chanhee." Juyeon locked their fingers together. "You're already in your oasis. You just never bothered to look away from the mirage."

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the very long hiatus. I was very sad, and I still am sad, but it makes me sadder that The Boyz tag is literally so dry.
> 
> Happy new year! Love the boyz this year as well!
> 
> [ twitter: @juyeonieee ]


End file.
